A Day At Nerv
by Lord Gendo
Summary: Humor fic, totally insaine and makes no sense! Gendo breaks his ass and theres a party at Nerv! Humor One-Shot Need I say more?


A Day At Nerv  
  
A/N: Hello! I'm writing this humor fic to brighten your dull lives! It's a one shot, if you didn't read the summary.  
  
Monday: 6:30am-Gendo wakes up to nothing, no alarm clocks, no naked Ritsuko next to him, no nothing. Only the voice in his head telling to get up and plan more evil deeds involving torturing a certain Major with more paperwork, his son with more testing, and of course wiping out humanity so he can see his wife again, its all good. 'Hmm, I seem to be lacking ideas today, oh well, I think of more in the car.' He went to his closet; in it were a lot of matching black coats, black pants and white gloves. At the same time, in another part of Tokyo-3. Shinji Ikari looks in his closet and finds matching white shirts and black pants. Both Ikaris shudder at the same time but neither knows why. Gendo dresses and heads to the kitchen. Opening one of the cabinets, he takes out an instant noodle. Looking inside, it was obvious that if Misato had the king's ransom in beer, Gendo most likely had God's ransom in Cup Noodles. He fills the cup with hot water and leaves in on a table. He then sits in a chair under said table and places his hands in his usual fashion. He stares at the cup for three minutes without any movement. Finally, he takes the lid off and begins to eat. As he made his way to the front door, thinking to eat on the way, he trips and starts to fall backwards. He lands on his ass and the hot soup flies out of his hands. He looks up for a moment with his hands on his aching ass. 'I. Hate. God.' Were his last thoughts before the cup of hot soup fell on his head, upside-down of course. A scream could be heard throughout Tokyo-3 and even inside of the Geofront. Everyone at Nerv freezes for a moment and all heads turn towards Shinji and Eva 01, expecting it to be in berserker. "Huh? Wasn't I going through my closet a moment ago?" A very confused Shinji said looking up at his Eva. He fell the stares of many people on his back and slowly turns around, "What?"  
  
9:00am-Fuyuzuki was standing next to the empty commander's chair. 'Where the hell is Gendo?' he thought. The phone rang, he answered, "Hello?" he said nothing of a moment. "Understood." He hangs up. A short pause, then he activates the P.A. system, [Attention all personal, Supreme Commander Ikari, son of god though not Jesus, the man dedicated to destroying all of humanity, and winner of our annual "Cold Stare" contest for 13 years in a row, and a major pain in the ass bastard to everyone, has broken his ass and burnt his face very badly. I will act as commander if...I mean uh...until his return, that is all.] The base is silent for a minute, then everyone starts to party. Everyone somehow manages to get a hold of some beer and it is soon discovered that they had found the massive refrigerator the Major used to store her mother load, as Nerv was the only one with enough power to maintain it. Ritsuko had 12 cans of beer before ripping her clothes off and running around naked chasing a bunch of cats that appeared out of nowhere. Maya saw this and chased after her, also ripping her clothes off. The two remaining bridge bunnies start a fight involving the use of a guitar, and a bag of Misato's dirty laundry. Asuka and Rei each down half a dozen cans each and are quite drunk, they both spot Shinji trying to crawl away from it all and with a grin at each other they grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to a space between two buildings. Different things are seen flying out of the little alley. A white shirt, pair of shoes, black pants, a pair of socks, and finally a pair of boxers all the while you can hear the screaming of a boy. Soon two sets of girl's school uniform are tossed out along with some shoes, socks and lingerie. Shinji continues to scream as the two sex driven women "have their way with him."  
  
3:27pm-Elsewhere, Gendo is recovering in the hospital, wrapped in a full body cast. He was resting when his parental instincts suddenly kicked in. "REI! SHINJI!" he yelled waking up in cold sweat. But then he settled down. 'What are the chances of either of them doing something uh...inappropriate, especially Rei.' With that thought, he fell back asleep, happily imagining the money he would gain from the lawsuit he filled against Cup Noodles.  
  
7:30pm-Back at HQ, the party had ended. The place was a mess, Misato had broken her own record and would need her stomach pumped, Aoba and Hyuga had knocked each other out at last, the acting commander, Fuyuzuki, had somehow wounded up on the top of one of the Magi computer's storage shell(those three box things where the Magi is located, in the central control room). Kaji was found unconscious as well, but hanging from the ceiling fan. Ritsuko, Maya and some cats were the only things in the base still moving, Ritsuko still chasing the cats and Maya still chasing her, both are still nude and still quite drunk.  
  
7:58pm-Shinji awoke to find himself naked and his hands tied behind him. A naked Rei was on top of him, an equally clad Asuka was lying next to him her head very near the lower parts of his body. He remembered exactly what had occurred when he realized that they were all covered in something sticky and began to scream. He did not get a sound out as there was also a gag in his mouth. He lay there in sheer terror at what the girls are going to do to him when they wake up, he began praying that Nerv gave pregnancy tests.  
  
8.00-At Kensuke's house, he and Toji were play some video games. Suddenly, Kensuke looks at Toji. "Ever get the feeling that something's wrong with this world?" "Whadda ya mean?" Toji responded. "Like, you were the only sane person left in the world." Said Kensuke "What da hell you yapping about!? You're just trying to distract me! Get back to the freakin game!" Toji exploded. 'Hmmm. Must be just my hunger. Ah, what do I know?' with that, Ken left for his kitchen. "While you're at it, grab me another can!" yelled Toji.  
  
Somewhere in heaven, the Angels were rolling with laughter. "My my, this is the base of the Lilims' last line of defense?" said Tabris with a smile. "Our jobs are getting waayyy too easy." Said Zeruel. They all laughed and God looked at the Angles from his throne, "And that's why I've decided to cut all of your pay by half." He said. The laughter died, the 15 angels turned to face the father. "What?" He asked in an innocent tone "Angels don't need money anyway....SHIT!" was all he could say as he was tackled by 15 different shapes. "Go for the family jewels!" Tabris yelled. "OWWWW! JESUS CHRIST THAT HURTS!" Jesus pokes his head in the throne room "Yeah dad? You called?" He witness the scene before him, 'uh-oh, time to make an exit.' He thought and dashed out of there before you could say "Messiah".  
  
God is being mugged in his heaven, and things are definitely not right with this world.  
  
The End "OUCH!"  
  
A/N: I know this isn't that funny compared to some others out there, but hey come on, cut a guy some slack, I tried. Please review and NO FLAMES. Last time I got flamed, my pride and ego dropped faster than Asuka's after the mind rape. So be nice ^_^ 


End file.
